Sunday, 30 November 2008
Saturday, 29 November 2008
Monday, 24 November 2008
Thursday, 20 November 2008
Yesterday was a good day, did my supermarket shopping, lugged bags around, helped set up at WW, carried boxes, tables and chairs. Went up and down stairs i dont know how many times and obviously over did things again. Today Im supposed to be going to my parents for tea and then to the embroidery club I go to but Ive had to cancel.
Ah well good excuse to catch up with other peoples blogs lol
Friday, 14 November 2008
After having a fairly major ME crash at the beginning of this week and basically sharing it with everyone (sorry about that folks) Im now resting a lot and taking care of me.
I had a word at the cattery explaining how I just couldnt cope with 2 afternoons of voluntary work so Im cutting back to just one. Im also trying to just eat healthy rather than strict dieting for a while.
The same with the card making. Im ducking out of some things and concentrating on others but in general trying to get my enthusiasm, energy, inspiration and most of all enjoyment back.
Thank you for reading this if you did.
I dont blame you if you didnt lol
Most of all I would say if you know someone with ME you now know how the world can overwhelm them for some possibly silly reason and see how they crack
Monday, 10 November 2008
Sunday, 9 November 2008
In July I started voluntary work at a friends cattery. It had to be voluntary because after checking with the benefits helpline it basically worked out that until I can work more hours I'm a bit stuck. So I'm doing 2hr 2 afternoons a week.
It started great I had loads of energy, went swimming before the cattery, went to WW and was losing weight too. Then I came to the wall.
I got a bug that lingered and now it feels as though Ive been ill and struggling for nearly 2 months. I'm exhausted. I cant sleep, I'm head achy, near to tears (although not sad) and generally feel rough.
I'm really pleased that Ive kept up with the cattery and haven't phoned in sick. In fact there's only been 1 time I had to leave early because I felt so ill.
The thing is keeping that going means that I cant cope with other things. Obviously in my mind the cattery is the most important thing because I want to go back to work and building stamina over time until I can work enough hours to be viable is the only way I can see that happening.
In that respect cutting back on the 'fun' things makes sense.
The problem I have is that I haven't cut back. Ive tried and tried to keep everything going, pushing myself until now when I feel like I'm on the edge of a crash.
Diet wise has been a total disaster recently. OK Ive only put on 1.5lb in 2 weeks which isn't bad in the scheme of things. The problem is the more I concentrate on dieting the worse I get. I count points but find myself not using the points for sensible food but saving them for treats, I did core but again you have a points allowance which meant that faced with 3 points instead of having bread for lunch I saved them for chocolate at night. Of course that meant that I got hungry, shaky, sweaty and light headed mid afternoon and had to eat something sweet like sugar or chocolate and then had way more than 3 points.
So my plan there is to not think about what I eat. I will eat 3 meals a day, if I'm hungry I will have a low GI snack like oat cakes or fruit and if I really want it I will have a bit of chocolate but I wont let myself get to the 'shaky must eat chocolate stage'.
So then we move on to card making.
Its just not been happening recently. I have no inspiration and everything I do make looks awful to me. I want to make cards, I get an idea it just doesn't go together and work. Again thinking about things Ive been promising myself a card making day and then when something happens like I'm too tired and ill to do cards I get frustrated. So I guess the answer is to just do cards when something occurs to me rather than 'because I must'.
Then there's the swimming/gym stuff. Last year I worked my level up to where I could do about 15 minutes on a treadmill walking. Doesn't sound much but for me that's a huge achievement. Recently though I haven't even managed to get myself to the swimming pool. Again thinking about it I realised that I was planning a whole gym trip with so many lengths and stuff like that and then because I haven't had the energy felt frustrated. So again I need to relax and not try to do everything at once.
I wouldn't mind but Ive had ME for nearly 10 years now. I KNOW the answer is pacing myself but every now and then I go completely over the top and want to do everything now, all at once.
That's the real reason for this long and rambling post. By writing it down it kind of imprints it in my mind for a while so I can 'pace' myself better.
I wont do all the housework until I'm a sweaty shaking aching heap....no I will hoover and then rest and another day dust etc.
I wont try to get fit in one session I will accept it wont happen
I wont try to lose weight in one week it took me nearly 9 years to gain 6 stone so having lost 1 in a year that gives me time for the other 5
I wont try to use every piece of craft equipment I posses or make all my Christmas cards in one go I will not stress about it I will have fun and if I have to buy cards for people.....tough!
I guess maybe the main thing is that maybe just maybe I wont THINK so much because when I do I start writing essays of where I'm going wrong and how to put myself right. That's when its gets boring and people wont want to look at my blog just in case there's a huge huge post of rambling thoughts to read.
That's where things get dangerous of course. Too much thinking can lose you friends
Sunday, 19 October 2008
Its silly because I know the cause I just don't seem to able to get my brain in order so I thought Id write it down and see if that helps...
The last couple of weeks have been rough ME and health wise so I haven't done any exercise which is a big factor. In not exactly a big exerciser because of the ME but I had got myself to the point where I could go swimming and sit in the Jacuzzi or just potter about but when I'm ill I just don't feel well enough so spend too long being still. On top of that I had to have a fasting blood test for diabetes and cholesterol. Apparently a test in 2003 is now classed as abnormal so its needs checking. Although I'm telling myself the chances of me having diabetes are slight and that most of my symptoms point to low blood sugar not high for some reason all I have wanted this week is chocolate! I know its just in case I am diabetic and have to change my diet but that is such a poor excuse. I mean I'm doing Weight Watchers for goodness sake so Ive already changed my diet!
I just need some motivation to get this diet back on track so I can stop moaning lol
I got the results of my blood test and I am NOT diabetic!! I also had a cholesterol test which showed my cholesterol has actually gone down in the last few years so all in all a very good result.
Saturday, 18 October 2008
Friday, 26 September 2008
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IVE BEEN THAT FAR ALONE FOR 9 YEARS!!!
I know that sounds really pathetic but since getting ME I havent had the concentration to drive or the energy to walk so whenever I go anywhere I have to be taken so I can get home again. Today I did it myself!!
Im so pleased I managed although I now hurt and feel really rough but the fact I did it is such a boost I think a little crash might be worth it.
Heres my photos of the day (hopefully)
Saturday, 13 September 2008
Im so pleased for her and cant wait to see how how she does in her next race.
Im just loving the paralympics its so inspiring. These wonderful people who've battled against disability for these achievements is absolutely amazing.
Im not impressed with the judges though who keep taking medals from people after they've been given. Shelly Woods was so wrong but seeing Dave Weir today is heartbreaking. Ive been cheering him on (silently so as not to disturb the neighbours) after watching him try so hard and even though he beat his personal best just not quite be there. To see he got gold today and now someone is complaining about the lane they were in is beyond belief. I feel so sorry for him having to race again when he has other races to do anyway. That combined with the fact he had glandular fever before the games and hasnt recovered yet is just so unfair.
I think that has hit home because Im disabled after getting ME after never recovering from glandular fever and I dont think I could walk around the track never mind race!
Huge congratulations to all the paralympic athletes and their teams
Edited to add
Another huge well done to Fran who got a silver in her second race. Way to go hun!!!
The update on David Weir is that his gold was allowed and he went on to win another gold which is brilliant.
Wednesday, 3 September 2008
The main problem of course of being able to afford to eat 'healthy' I try very hard with my cooking to make sure Im getting my five a day and all that 'bad' food does tend to be cheaper.
So while shopping today I treated myself to a lottery ticket for friday. I know its a waste of money but the chance to dream is wonderful. I cant even imagine the 92 million or what ever it is at the moment but if I won silly money I would be able to help friends who are ill and struggling financially like I am. If Im honest I would be thrilled if I won anything. A fantastic amount would be £1000. Then I could not have to worry about getting my car serviced, mot'd etc. I could get a digital recorder for when we lose the TV signal, I could buy clothes from a real shop not a charity shop and of course I could treat myself to some crafty stuff.
In the real world though although Im short of money and having to budget and account for everything. In fact I spent most of yesterday afternoon writing budgets so I know how much money I have this month. But I can cope with being 'poor' because at least Im not in debt. I dont actually owe anyone anything. Of course if something happened like my car going kaput Id have a problem, but problems means parents dont they?
Sunday, 31 August 2008
Again lovely cards and ideas
Also blog candy is on Judes lovely site
Wow all these wonderful things that people are giving away. And I dont even have to make a card to enter lol
This is what I made
We were using templates from TheCraftersWorkshop.com. I found them really good as Im not 'artistic' and cant draw at all so doodling has never been something I tried. Using the templates to do a basic outline that I could then fill in was a great help
This is todays play
Monday, 25 August 2008
Now I have to say she almost didn't make it as whilst I was driving home with her, in my didi mini with the windows open Mogs decided to let me know she didn't like enclosed spaces. She clawed her way out of the cardboard carry box, up my chest and over my shoulder into the back of the car. Of course this meant that I'm trying to pull in and close the windows at the same time. We eventually arrived at the flats where I live and then I had the dilemma of how do I get Mogs into the block. We ended up with Mogs in my arms with her claws stuck ( and I mean stuck!) in my neck.
Once we made it home Mogs settled in and taught me how to live with a cat which having being brought up with dogs was a rather quick learning curve as they say. Over the years Mogs has become a completely different cat to the one I adopted. I adopted a cat that I got told was old, ill, would cost me a fortune in vet bills, wouldn't live long, didn't like people especially men and children, didn't like other animals, didn't like being outside etc etc. Not you have to admit the best sales pitch but it worked on me. Now I have a cat that if she can see me is happy, doesn't like being picked up and cuddled but loves to lean against me and have the top of her head kissed. She gets on well with Amber who walked into our life some 18 months later. Mogs can even cope when my parents come to visit although I'm fairly sure she tolerates my Dad because he brings her prawns.
So this weekend we had a celebration weekend. Saturday wasn't going to be much as I was out all afternoon and then again in the evening (very rare) Anyway I got woken Saturday morning by Amber scrabbling about in the bath. She has a very odd liking for falling in the bath and then trying to scrabble her way out past the shower curtain. Anyway I got up to find that she had actually weed in the bath. So I checked the trays which were OK and cleaned the bath. Later that day when I was back home in my hour between outings I decided that I should give the trays a good scrub just in case that was the problem. They looked and smelt fine to me but hey I'm not a cat. So I take the lids of the trays and take tray 1 to the bathroom to scrub. I came back to find Mogs standing where tray 1 had been and therefore at the side of tray 2 and weeing on the floor. So I scrubbed the floor, filled tray 1 and and took tray 2 to clean. I came back then to find Mogs using tray 1. So I cleaned tray 1 again and found I had about 10 minutes left to get ready to go out. The celebration for Saturday was as far as I was concerned that Mogs and Amber weren't BOTH homeless.
Anyway after a long lie in on Sunday and snuggles from both cats things are back to normal so Mogs had her treat of cat tuna yesterday and today there's a little piece of beef waiting for her. What can I say I think that after 11 years Mogs has got me well trained don't you ?
Saturday, 16 August 2008
Anyway today Ive been looking at
and I can say is WOW! Some great cards and ideas on there. Theres also a blog candy draw is you visit before 26th to celebrate a huge amount of hits. Im so impressed I found a counter to add to mine which currently says 1 visitor lol
Saturday, 9 August 2008
Sunday, 3 August 2008
are things I wrote for a friends website some years ago. As time has gone by I have improved in my health but Im still disabled which can be hard to live with. Its especially hard as ME is an invisible illness so most of the time I dont look ill.
Im still hoping that I will be able to go back to work and have life return to 'normal' but I have to remind myself that what was normal would no longer be normal as its over 9yrs ago.
Life does tend to get me down sometimes but most of the time I try to be positive about things.
In fact I wrote this on my birthday last year
Today I am 38. This month I have now been ill for 8 years. Both statements are shocking to me. So eight years…… Eight years of lost life, Eight years of feeling ill Eight years of no money Eight years of no energy Eight years of isolation If I hadn’t been ill would I have been married with kids by now? Would I have found I job I loved, Would I have been happy??? I don’t know What I do know is this Without ME I wouldn’t have come to know and appreciate my parents as much as I do I wouldn’t have been able to see my family and get to know and enjoy my niece as I do I wouldn’t have had the time spent with my cats I wouldn’t have had chance to appreciate things in life like the countryside, beautiful scenes, day trips out. I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy making cards like I do I wouldn’t have learnt how to use a computer and found friends online who are more to me than the workmates who I went to the pub with. So if I could go back in time and change things would I? Well if I could go back and be who I am now and keep the friends and the knowledge I have now, then yes definitely! Otherwise I’m not sure. Having ME means I have lost a lot, but I have also gained a lot. I think I am a nicer person now than I was, I certainly care more about things and people than I did. When I think back to how things were 8 years ago it shows me just how far I have come. Yes there have been struggles and downright horrible times but now when it’s a lovely day, I’m feeling well and I’ve got nearly as many cards as the years I have lived. Sometimes, just sometimes I think how much I’ve gained from ME and it makes me glad that in those early days I didn’t listen to the voice that said I didn’t want to live like this.
Saturday, 2 August 2008
Saturday, 12 July 2008
So starting with the illness part have ME and have been ill since 1999. I am slowly improving but sometimes its hard to see the improvement unless I sit down and think about being ill and I dont do that much as its not much fun.
Secondly crafting. I make cards, have done a scrapbook and would like to do another sometime, I do counted thread embroidery, I do beading, Ive made a patchwork bag, Im sure you can see where Im going with this. Basically I tend to enjoy most crafts and love to learn new things.
Last but obviously not least life in general. Well that involves the usual things like living with 2 cats, trying to lose weight, having no money, etc etc
So my blog.......... well lets just say
Welcome to the ramblings!!!