Sunday, 30 January 2011

blog hopping blog candy

So while blog hopping today I was looking for pro marker hints and tips and found this blog

Its wonderful and full of loads of ways of using promarkers so I will definately be back

Friday, 28 January 2011

Cuddly cat?

My cat Amber is in my mind the soppiest daftest silliest cat Ive ever known. I have been know to great her with 'Hello Gormless' when I really meant gorgeous and she still purrs. She has daily medication that she pulls the pill pusher off the table so I can give her a tablet. She jumps on my knee when I get the nail clippers out and basically I can do more or less anything with her.

When taking photos of my old cat Mogs who's now died I was ignoring Amber and when I turned around she was just there so I snapped her. I was shocked when I saw the grumpy, narky cat on the photo. I mean thats not MY Amber.....

However I showed the picture to my friend Helen who runs the cattery where Amber (and Mogs) have stayed on many occasions and was amazed when she picked up the grumpy picture and said ok this is Amber but who's the other cat!!

It so makes me laugh to look at that grump little face and know that the cat I see daily is the purry furry cuddle kitten version

Wednesday, 26 January 2011

No self confidence

I realise that since getting ill I have so little self confidence its untrue. Before I got ill I didnt always fit in with the 'normal' or 'trendy' crowd but somehow I knew that who I was, was fine. Possibly over arrogant and thought I was better than some but I was raised to know my worth and believe in it. Something I believe kids today have lost.

Since getting ill with ME/CFS Ive lost that completely. I dont understand why anyone would want to know me. to be near me to care about me. Slowly as time goes by and through a wonderful website forum on Ive realised people care for me! They actually want to know whats going on in my life and want me to visit them when I can.

I find it so odd that I have such a low opinion of myself and yet so flattering that others want to meet me. Maybe in time I will be the person (in person) that people think I am and not the person I think I am.

Dont get me wrong I have occupational therapists saying I cant work because Im socially inadequate and voluntary bosses having me as the first contact because they can rely on me to do the best I can. No wonder Im confused with life in general.

Lifes as good as you can make I think. Sure I can concentrate on the cr*p and that I have no money, feel totally useless and worthless but I can decide to concentrate on the good. I have family and friends that love me. Theres the fantastic countryside and nature that are free. There are things I can offer the world which may not bring in money but if they make me and others happy who cares about money?

Time and love and care I can offer.... work will come when Im well enough

Monday, 24 January 2011

Todays update

I recently volunteered to be a tutor for the expert patient program. Its based on managing long term illnesses. For years Ive avoided it thinking it was designed to make you an expert in your condition and therefore (as doctors are concerned) a total pain in the neck (or wherever you feel)
I very quickly learnt that the expert patient is about teaching people to manage their conditions and live the best life they can.

From a personal point of view I found that applying for DLA and attending a tribunal the worst thing ever, and the attitiude of managing your condition means theres no problem which isnt true. I have written various letters and will update you in time.

Today I attended the first training session Ive had in goodness knows how many years. It was about safeguarding children. Although I dont expect to be working with children it really opened my eyes. It made me realise that my childhood experiences now would be classed as abuse. They WERENT!!! and I know that but it totally freaked me out. Things that as a kid happened and even though my parents loved and protected me, things happened to me that I couldnt control. I look at as an an adult and realise the lack of choice that my parents had and feel so sorry that they feel so responsible for circumstances they had no control over

Saturday, 22 January 2011

What can I say

Yet again theres been such a huge gap you'd have thought I fell off the planet. However unlike Rincewind I didnt fall over the edge I just erm well lost interest.... If youre confused dont worry so am I but Im enjoying Terry Pratchet which is always good for the obscure.

So where have I been?? Well if Im honest I have no idea. Last year was really hard for me and I fell into such a huge depression I wondered if I would ever come out of it. As things stand I think I have come back to normal earth. Things arent great but I have my sense of humour back and Im enjoying playing with cards. Both things make me feel good.

So new year new start. I mean over the last couple of years Ive lost 3 very good friends through death and 1 through finding out they reported me for benefit fraud. Obviously they dont know me as well as they thought because if I could work, earn my OWN money and not be a 'burden' on society believe me I would and Im always working towards that goal.

Anyway this year I plan to have fun, enjoy the ridiculous and find the 'me' I like instead of the whinging moaning person Ive been

OK Im still ill. I still have ME/CFS but you know in a way it makes me laugh and makes me realise just how lucky I am in life.

For example my parents are fantastic. They take me out, they make me laugh even if they didnt mean to and they make me realise I am a worthwhile person when Im feeling down

On the ME side the other day whilst at the 'rents the mantle clock dinged 5pm. Dad said Im sure that clock is fast what time is it. I looked at my watch and said 11.15...... after a few seconds silence I said errmmmm my watch is on upside down lol

So time to enjoy life and whatever lemons life throws at me as they say I will make lemonade.... actually I hate real lemonade but you get the idea!!!

recent cards