Monday, 10 November 2008

Lifes so hard

I met Mum and Dad for lunch and tried to tell them how I was feeling, dissolved into tears in the gym cafe and Im still dripping now. They said Im wrong about what Ive said. That I mustnt stop doing things I enjoy like card making and seeing friends. That the cattery is a voluntary job which costs me money to get there with no re payment. That although Im supposed to be doing 2 hrs I never do and that means Im being taken advantage of. That I shouldnt have done the cats this weekend as it was too much and has just pushed me over the edge and what did I get last night. A phone call not to say thank you but to ask me what the phone messages were. They think Im being treated badly and because of my lack of self esteem Ive taken it for too long. Basically they say that although I enjoy feeling useful and working I must accept Im ill and know when to say enough before I get to where I am now especially as it doesnt seem to be appreciated. If I was working for money because my benefits had been stopped or something then fine I should stop my fun activities to give me chance to cope but for voluntary work I shouldnt. Ive promised to have a word tomorrow at the cattery and see about cutting down to 1 afternoon a week rather than 2. This makes me feel as though Ive failed but I cant cope with feeling like I do today. In some ways I feel just like I did when I first got ill and couldnt cope and spent my life either crying at work or in bed and I dont want to go back there. Im just so confused at the moment. I want my life back and hate feeling as though I cant have it when I got so close

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