Sunday, 3 August 2008

ME the history

I was going to do a while lot about ME and how I got ill but then decided it would be easier to link to a couple of articles I wrote some time ago about my life.
http://www.mesupport.co.uk/index.php?page=m-e-the-single-person

and

http://www.mesupport.co.uk/index.php?page=cbt-my-experience

are things I wrote for a friends website some years ago. As time has gone by I have improved in my health but Im still disabled which can be hard to live with. Its especially hard as ME is an invisible illness so most of the time I dont look ill.

Im still hoping that I will be able to go back to work and have life return to 'normal' but I have to remind myself that what was normal would no longer be normal as its over 9yrs ago.
Life does tend to get me down sometimes but most of the time I try to be positive about things.
In fact I wrote this on my birthday last year


Today I am 38. This month I have now been ill for 8 years. Both statements are shocking to me. So eight years…… Eight years of lost life, Eight years of feeling ill Eight years of no money Eight years of no energy Eight years of isolation If I hadn’t been ill would I have been married with kids by now? Would I have found I job I loved, Would I have been happy??? I don’t know What I do know is this Without ME I wouldn’t have come to know and appreciate my parents as much as I do I wouldn’t have been able to see my family and get to know and enjoy my niece as I do I wouldn’t have had the time spent with my cats I wouldn’t have had chance to appreciate things in life like the countryside, beautiful scenes, day trips out. I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy making cards like I do I wouldn’t have learnt how to use a computer and found friends online who are more to me than the workmates who I went to the pub with. So if I could go back in time and change things would I? Well if I could go back and be who I am now and keep the friends and the knowledge I have now, then yes definitely! Otherwise I’m not sure. Having ME means I have lost a lot, but I have also gained a lot. I think I am a nicer person now than I was, I certainly care more about things and people than I did. When I think back to how things were 8 years ago it shows me just how far I have come. Yes there have been struggles and downright horrible times but now when it’s a lovely day, I’m feeling well and I’ve got nearly as many cards as the years I have lived. Sometimes, just sometimes I think how much I’ve gained from ME and it makes me glad that in those early days I didn’t listen to the voice that said I didn’t want to live like this.

2 comments:

craftyclaire said...

It is very refreshing to see somebody talking so openly about what this terrible illness does to those who suffer from it. I too have learnt to appreciate the calmness that it forces on us and the closeness to family that comes from that. I am better than I have been for a long time but still have to remember that I am not who I once was that I can't do all the things I used to do. I was lucky to have met Mike about a year before I first became ill and to marry him last year.
Sorry this was meant to be all about your post not me

Sarn loves choc said...

Very interesting and enlightening articles Tab . . . as I don't know anyone personally who suffers from M.E. I didn't know much about i. Before I read your blog I only had the media's rather negative portrayal of the problem! Now I know better!