I realise that since getting ill I have so little self confidence its untrue. Before I got ill I didnt always fit in with the 'normal' or 'trendy' crowd but somehow I knew that who I was, was fine. Possibly over arrogant and thought I was better than some but I was raised to know my worth and believe in it. Something I believe kids today have lost.
Since getting ill with ME/CFS Ive lost that completely. I dont understand why anyone would want to know me. to be near me to care about me. Slowly as time goes by and through a wonderful website forum on www.brainfog.org Ive realised people care for me! They actually want to know whats going on in my life and want me to visit them when I can.
I find it so odd that I have such a low opinion of myself and yet so flattering that others want to meet me. Maybe in time I will be the person (in person) that people think I am and not the person I think I am.
Dont get me wrong I have occupational therapists saying I cant work because Im socially inadequate and voluntary bosses having me as the first contact because they can rely on me to do the best I can. No wonder Im confused with life in general.
Lifes as good as you can make I think. Sure I can concentrate on the cr*p and that I have no money, feel totally useless and worthless but I can decide to concentrate on the good. I have family and friends that love me. Theres the fantastic countryside and nature that are free. There are things I can offer the world which may not bring in money but if they make me and others happy who cares about money?
Time and love and care I can offer.... work will come when Im well enough