Wednesday, 26 January 2011

No self confidence

I realise that since getting ill I have so little self confidence its untrue. Before I got ill I didnt always fit in with the 'normal' or 'trendy' crowd but somehow I knew that who I was, was fine. Possibly over arrogant and thought I was better than some but I was raised to know my worth and believe in it. Something I believe kids today have lost.

Since getting ill with ME/CFS Ive lost that completely. I dont understand why anyone would want to know me. to be near me to care about me. Slowly as time goes by and through a wonderful website forum on Ive realised people care for me! They actually want to know whats going on in my life and want me to visit them when I can.

I find it so odd that I have such a low opinion of myself and yet so flattering that others want to meet me. Maybe in time I will be the person (in person) that people think I am and not the person I think I am.

Dont get me wrong I have occupational therapists saying I cant work because Im socially inadequate and voluntary bosses having me as the first contact because they can rely on me to do the best I can. No wonder Im confused with life in general.

Lifes as good as you can make I think. Sure I can concentrate on the cr*p and that I have no money, feel totally useless and worthless but I can decide to concentrate on the good. I have family and friends that love me. Theres the fantastic countryside and nature that are free. There are things I can offer the world which may not bring in money but if they make me and others happy who cares about money?

Time and love and care I can offer.... work will come when Im well enough


Sandra said...

It's so difficult to keep up a Postive Mental Attitude (PMA) when you keep having cr*p thrown at you isn't it? But congrats for trying. I wish you every success. Sending hugs. xxx

Shoshi said...

You ARE worth it Tab - 100% in spades! All of us on Brainfog love you and know you for the person you really are, and not the one you think you are! M.E. is enough to knock the stuffing out of anyone, but a lot of it is the fault of a society that puts value on what people do, and not who they are. God sees your heart and that's what counts! And yes, I do want you to visit me and try out my recliner! Just wish you could bring Amber too but I don't think Beatrice and Phoebe would approve.