Monday, 21 November 2011

Hmmm paranoid or not?

Its been a busy few weeks. Ive been really involved with the expert patient program and each time I deliver as a tutor I love it more. This time I was so thrilled that when I did the relaxation part I actually sent someone to sleep.....not always a claim to fame but hey lol

On the other side of life my poor bruv had an accident last week in that he fell off a ladder and broke a bone in his back. So scarey for all involved but it seems he's been lucky with no long term damage and 'if he follows instructions' he shouldnt cause any more damage. Thing is following instructions isnt bruvs thing! He's always been the strong one who's in control and never understood how illness or pain can affect your life.

From my side thats been hard as over the years Ive been ill Ive felt Im being got at so many times but for the sake of family havent responded to comments like 'you have the luxury of staying in bed when youre tired' with luxury??? no way Id love to get up and feel ok and work and have my life back etc etc.

Thing is being hury he's so grumpy I feel he's taking it out on me...last night he said he thought I was going mad as he didnt understand my facebook comments....well facebook is my way of keeping up with friends who do know how I feel, get what I feel and have ususally been there and know how much humor is the only way to live.

Now of course Im reaching the point of being scared to put anything online in case its mis interpretated and Im in the wrong yet again.

Trying to take a deep breath and step back because I dont want to cause family trouble but somedays I could happily scream!!!!

That said the expert patient program is over now till Feb so I can play with cards and crafts (and not have to worry about going out to work ((joke)) )

I mean given the choice how many people do you know that would prefer to live on £100 a week and feel they have to explain every purchase or work and know the money you earn is yours and no one can tell you what to spend it on??? I know which I want and thats why Im doing the expert patient as I dont think otherwise anyone will ever employ a sickie but if they know me and what I can do then maybe just maybe I have a future

Moan over and next I promise will be card like, or cat like but Ambercat has done the oooh the heatings on Im off to bed and you can keep yourself warm thanks

PS do I sound mad or kind of 'lucid' thats where the paranioa steps in.....being told I sound like Im losing my mind has made me wonder if I am.....'They're coming to take me away!!'

1 comment:

Jane said...

Hi Tabs,
No way do you sound mad, I think your doing brilliantly. I am with you on the illness front & others not understanding how bad & difficult things are on a daily basis, They don't say it's an invisable disease for nothing
You know I am always available for a chat, one fibromite to another ;)
Jane x