Wednesday 27 April 2011

Hmmm long time no see

and its not really because Ive been ill for a change. Dont get me wrong Ive not been well but other things have over shadowed my life.

Last year I had a DLA tribunal which I lost. Until this year I really wasnt well enough to do anything more than shut myself in my home and cry. This year however I found my anger. I wrote a letter to the heads of the government parties and the leader of my local council. I didnt expect a 'hey we got it wrong heres your money' reply but really wanted them to know how I felt and how Id been treated.
I had a couple of replies but nothing helpful until my local advise centre got in touch. The first phone call was a bad time. Id been away with family, couldnt think and ended up in tears and passing the phone to my dad. The second I wasnt too bad. Still cried but managed to explain that I didnt want help to appeal the tribunal as I had understood to appeal it had to be on a 'point of law' and even if I disagreed with proceedure I was sure the 'law' was right as it was done by a judge. Mainly I wanted to know where I went from here. Do I re-apply or am I blacklisted as a 'cheater'?

I was told to re-apply as the judge and doctor I had worked together on a regular basis and had a nice routine.
First I was asked if I was better, worse or the same as the time of renewal. I was then told I had to answer from the renewal time only. As I said I was worse this meant they could ask things after the renewal and say if I could do that when I was worse I could do it when I was better. To me I spent the whole tribunal being totally confused as to why I was being asked things after the date and what relevance they had as Id already been told that after the date was irrelevant.

I spent the whole tribunal in tears and getting more and more upset and distressed. The guy from the advise centre said if Id had a different judge and doctor I would probably have got DLA. Thats no help to me!!! The fact that I now know that different judges and doctors make different decisions just makes me angry. I had no choice on who heard my tribunal and all I know is I was treated like a lying cheating thief. It destroyed the limited confidence I had and basically sent me into what I can only call a 'breakdown'

I didnt see my doctor at the time for many reasons. I felt so useless and worthless I didnt want to leave the flat, I was scared about what the doctor might say, I was ashamed at how I couldnt cope, I was keeping up normal actions for friends and family and most of all I didnt want to admit how bad I actually was.


So now this time has passed and Ive been told to re-apply and Im scared!!! In my heart I know Im telling the truth about how my life is but I cant help that feel that as Im not an idiot and dont put myself in danger Im not helping myself. I believe in self help and self management but that goes against the DLA rules and by follwing that even though my life is far from normal no one cares!!!

1 comment:

ju said...

Sooo know where you are coming from here ...been in exactly the same position myself...you have my sympathy, it is very hard at times. All the best to you hon xx